Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money
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It is a 2012 sci-fi sequel parody written and directed by Mel Brooks.
==Plot=The story of the 3rd part of the Schwartz. A spoof of Star Wars prequel trilogy, Avatar, Tron: Legacy, and Harry Potter.
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“SPACEBALLS 2: THE SEARCH FOR MORE MONEY”
FADE IN:
EXT. A BEACH – MIDDAY
PRESIDENT SKROOB, DARK HELMET, and COLONEL SANDURZ are walking slowly and tiredly along a beach surrounded by mountains with an ocean beside it. Behind the three men, there is a metal version of the Statue of Liberty’s head and hand, and a rope coming out of the large head’s nose. CLOSE UP ON:
DARK HELMET (ANNOYED)
Okay, where the heck are we?!
COLONEL SANDURZ (CONFUSED)
Well, we dropped miles and miles in that thing. We could be anywhere. I remember everything, except for my name.
DARK HELMET
Funny, I can’t remember your name either.
DARK HELMET turns and looks at PRESIDENT SKROOB. CLOSE UP ON:
PRESIDENT SKROOB (SAD)
AH! My beautiful planet, destroyed because it has no air!
PRESIDENT SKROOB is struggling to walk.
DARK HELMET (ANNOYED)
Ah, suck it up ya crybaby, it’s really not that bad. Only like – what? – Two million people died.
PRESIDENT SKROOB shakes his hands in the air and looks up at the sky.
PRESIDENT SKROOB (ANGRY)
WAHHHHHH! I hate you god! You suck! You killed my people and used karma on me just because I’m evil! What’s wrong with you man?! That’s racism!
COLONEL SANDURZ (CONFUSED)
No it’s not. At least I don’t think. Wait do you guys remember what my name is? The only thing I can remember is how we got here.
DARK HELMET (CONFUSED)
Come to think of it, I don’t remember your name. But I remember everything else.
PRESIDENT SKROOB
I’m too mad to think right now. Just look it up in the dictionary, okay DARK HELMET?
DARK HELMET (EXCITED)
Hey, good idea!
DARK HELMET pulls out a dictionary and begins flipping through it. PRESIDENT SKROOB sighs. COLONEL SANDURZ walks over to PRESIDENT SKROOB and puts his hand on his shoulder.
COLONEL SANDURZ
PRESIDENT SKROOB, don’t join the dark side.
PRESIDENT SKROOB looks at COLONEL SANDURZ confused. CLOSE UP ON:
PRESIDENT SKROOB (CONFUSED)
What?
COLONEL SANDURZ
I don’t know, I saw it in a movie.
PRESIDENT SKROOB
Oh cool, what movie?
COLONEL SANDURZ holds up the DVD of Star Wars Episode Six: Return of The Jedi.
COLONEL SANDURZ
Star Wars Episode Six: Return Of The Jedi.
DARK HELMET cuts in on their conversation.
DARK HELMET (EXCITED)
Woah! That movie looks gooooood! Can we watch it some time?
GEORGE LUCAS walks up over the mountains.
GEORGE LUCAS (MAD)
Hey!
PRESIDENT SKROOB, DARK HELMET, AND COLONEL SANDURZ look at GEORGE LUCAS confused.
DARK HELMET
What, you mean us?
GEORGE LUCAS (MAD)
Yah you! You’re not even supposed to be using that name in this movie!
DARK HELMET looks around confused. CLOSE UP ON:
DARK HELMET (CONFUSED)
Well, why not?
GEORGE LUCAS (MAD) Because it’s copyright!
GEORGE LUCAS holds up a machine gun, loads it, and then shoots it up in the air. A bird screeches from up above then falls behind GEORGE LUCAS.
DARK HELMET (CONFIDENT)
No, you see, there’s a contract.
DARK HELMET holds up a piece of paper. CLOSE UP ON: A contract about using GEORGE LUCAS’ titles being used in Spaceballs 2.
GEORGE LUCAS (EMBARRASED)
Oh sorry, guys. If I offended you then I didn’t mean to…uh, sorry.
DARK HELMET
Yah, that’s fine. What ever.
GEORGE LUCAS
Well, it’s time for me to leave. I have much more Star Wars stories to write. But before I leave, I must say one thing.
COLONEL SANDURZ
And what’s that?
CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON GEORGE LUCAS’ FACE.
GEORGE LUCAS (CONFIDENT)
I be back.
GEORGE LUCAS puts sunglasses over his eyes then jumps down onto the other side of the mountain.
PRESIDENT SKROOB
Okay then. Uh let’s keep moving…but run, if we walk, the movie will be over.
DARK HELMET and COLONEL SANDURZ give PRESIDENT SKROOB confident nods. The three of them look ahead. SKY VIEW OF: DARK HELMET, COLONEL SANDURZ, and PRESIDENT SKROOB running along the beach.
FADE OUT.
FADE IN:
EXT. A CASTLE WITH GHOSTLY FIGURES IN ROBES FLYING IN A CIRCULAR MOTION OVER TOP OF IT – NIGHT TIME
INT. AN OFFICE ROOM INSIDE THE CASTLE – NIGHT TIME
In the office room, there is a window on the far side of the room. In front of the window is a work desk, in between the window and the desk, is a large, scary looking chair facing the window. On the other side of the room, is a door. The door swings open and a medium sized man, about middle aged, with black hair, named PROFESSOR GRAPE stands in the door way panting. As the door swings open, you can notice a name on the door that says Tommy Riddle. PROFESSOR GRAPE (EXHAUSTED)
I’m…HERE!
A voice (THE VOICE OF LORD VALDEEMORK) answers over from the chair.
LORD VALDEEMORK (ANNOYED)
Why are you late?
PROFESSOR GRAPE (SCARED)
Well you see, it’s a long story, it would take much time to explai –
Tha chair turns around quickly to reveal a bald midget (LORD VALDEEMORK) in a black robe petting a snake and sitting in the chair. CLOSE UP ON:
LORD VALDEEMORK (ANGRY)
I saaaaaiiid…WHY ARE YOU LATE?!
PROFESSOR GRAPE (SCARED)
But sir –
LORD VALDEEMORK (ANGRY)
TELL ME!!!
PROFESSOR GRAPE (SCARED)
Okay, fine…there I was walking along and all of a sudden, an old lady came up to me and asked her to watch her pet werewolf as she went to the bathroom –
Scene changes to a sidewalk near an outhouse with lots of trees behind it. PROFESSOR GRAPE is walking by the outhouse. An old lady holding a werewolf on a leash walks up to him and begins talking to him. PROFESSOR GRAPE yells at her.
PROFESSOR GRAPE (V.O)
I put up quite a fight –
PROFESSOR GRAPE yells at the old lady then slaps her. The old lady falls over.
PROFESSOR GRAPE (V.O)
But, I felt sorry for her so I helped her up and watched her werewolf for her while she used the restroom –
Scene changes back to LORD VALDEEMORK and PROFESSOR GRAPE.
PROFESSOR GRAPE (ANNOYED)
She took THREE HOURS! It was crazy! It was like her bladder exploded or something!
LORD VALDEEMORK (ANGRY)
So, you failed at finding the one who bares the tattoo…AGAIN!
PROFESSOR GRAPE
Yes, and I’m truly, truly, truly sorry sir. I promise it won’t ever happen again.
LORD VALDEEMORK (ANGRY)
You see PROFESSOR GRAPE, it is very important to me that you find this boy who bares the lightning bolt shaped tattoo.
PROFESSOR GRAPE
How come? You never told me why.
LORD VALDEEMORK
Well, GRAPE, I think it’s time I tell you…as a boy I was the owner of many different kinds of animals.
PROFESSOR GRAPE
Such as?
LORD VALDEEMORK
Aw man, I was afraid you’d say that…um let’s see –
Scene changes to a picture of a cat.
LORD VALDEEMORK (V.O)
I had a cat…
Scene changes to a picture of a dog.
LORD VALDEEMORK (V.O)
A dog…
Scene changes to a picture of a lizard. LORD VALDEEMORK (V.O)
A lizard…
Scene changes to a picture of a snake.
LORD VALDEEMORK (V.O)
A snake…
Scene changes to a picture of a bird.
LORD VALDEEMORK (V.O)
A bird…
Scene changes to a picture of a phoenix.
LORD VALDEEMORK (V.O)
A phoenix…
Scene changes to a picture of a giant snake.
LORD VALDEEMORK (V.O)
A basilisk…
Scene changes to a picture of a dragon.
LORD VALDEEMORK (V.O)
A dragon…
Scene changes to a picture of a mentally challenged person.
LORD VALDEEMORK (V.O)
A mental person…
Scene changes to a picture of a three headed dog.
LORD VALDEEMORK (V.O)
A three headed dog. A –
PROFESSOR GRAPE (V.O)
Okay, I get the point. You had a lot of animals.
LORD VALDEEMORK (V.O)
Sorry. Back to the story…
Scene changes to a bunch of six year olds throwing tomatoes at LORD VALDEEMORK when he was six years old.
LORD VALDEEMORK (V.O)
And everyone treated me horribly because of it.
PROFESSOR GRAPE (V.O)
Really? They treated you bad just because you had lots of pets?
Scene changes to six-year-old LORD VALDEEMORK standing on the side of the road, slumped over because one of his legs is a lot shorter than the other.
LORD VALDEEMORK (V.O)
Well that, and the fact that one of my legs was shorter than the other. Anyways, it’s my story! Let me say it!
Scene changes to LORD VALDEEMORK standing outside a house along the streets of London England.
LORD VALDEEMORK (V.O)
So, when I grew up I went and got my revenge on my and your worst enemy.
PROFESSOR GRAPE (V.O)
Oh you mean JAMES SKROOB?
LORD VALDEEMORK (V.O)
Yah, him.
PROFESSOR GRAPE (V.O)
Oh man, that guy was a bitch.
LORD VALDEEMORK (V.O)
Yah, I know. Anyways, so I went to his house, then went inside…
LORD VALDEEMORK walks inside the house. Inside the house, J.K. ROWLING is typing on a computer. Beside her is a bookshelf loaded with books, and behind her is a flight of stairs. LORD VALDEEMORK looks at J.K. ROWLING confused.
J.K. ROWLING (MAD)
Go away! I’m trying to write a successful book saga here!
J.K. ROWLING throws a glass of juice at LORD VALDEEMORK. LORD VALDEEMORK dodges the glass of juice then quickly walks up the stairs. At the top of the stairs is a long hallway with doors all through it. At the end of the hallway is a closed door with the lights shining through. LORD VALDEEMORK walks down the hall, opens the door, and goes into the room. In the room is JAMES and LILLY SKROOB holding BABY PRESIDENT SKROOB in their arms. JAMES and LILLY look up and notice LORD VALDEEMORK. LILLY screams. JAMES stands up and pulls a wand out of his pocket and points it at LORD VALDEEMORK.
LORD VALDEEMORK (CONFIDENT)
Ah yes. Your wand. I forgot about that…but you see, your wand is no match for my weapon.
JAMES SKROOB
Oh and what’s that? A stick?
LORD VALDEEMORK (CONFIDENT)
No, not even close. My weapon is…
CLOSE UP ON: LORD VALDEEMORK raises his hand to show a ring shaped like a snake, on his finger.
LORD VALDEEMORK (CONFIDENT)
The Schwartz!
JAMES SKROOB (SCARED)
Well your Schwartz is no match for my huge wand!
LORD VALDEEMORK (CONFIDENT)
Wanna bet?
A beam shoots out of LORD VALDEEMORK’S ring and hit JAMES. Another beam shoots out of the ring and hits LILLY. LORD VALDEEMORK walks over to BABY PRESIDENT SKROOB.
BABY PRESIDENT SKROOB (BABY VOICE)
Ass hole.
BABY PRESIDENT SKROOB points at LORD VALDEEMORK.
LORD VALDEEMORK
Ah I can’t kill this thing, he’s just so cute. So what can I do instead?…huh, I know!
LORD VALDEEMORK pulls a tattoo needle out of his pocket then slowly scribes a lighting bolt shaped tattoo onto BABY PRESIDENT SKROOB’S fore head. BABY PRESIDENT SKROOB crawls off the bed and into his half dead dad’s arms.
JAMES SKROOB (CRYING)
You are destined for greatness.
JAMES pulls an escape pod out from under the bed and shoves BABY PRESIDENT SKROOB into it.
JAMES SKROOB (CRYING)
Goodbye son.
JAMES pushes a button on the escape pod and the escape pod gets blasted through the roof and into space. It flies through space then lands in the President’s house of Spaceball City. Cheering is heard. Scene changes back to LORD VALDEEMORK, LILLY SKROOB, and JAMES SKROOB.
JAMES SKROOB (CRYING)
I hate you Tommy Riddle. I hate you!
LORD VALDEEMORK (CONFIDENT)
Dude, like I actually care…oh, and by the way, my name is no longer Tommy Riddle. It is…LORD VALDEEMORK!
LORD VALDEEMORK begins doing an evil laugh. JAMES SKROOB slumps over dead. Scene changes back to LORD VALDEEMORK and PROFESSOR GRAPE.
LORD VALDEEMORK
So, that was it, you know?
PROFESSOR GRAPE (CONFUSED)
So, why do you wanna kill him now? And don’t you know what the kid’s name was?
LORD VALDEEMORK
First off, I didn’t kill him, and I regret every minute of it. And secondly, I completely forgot to ask for the kids name, so I have no idea where or who he is.
PROFESSOR GRAPE
Wow, bummer. Although, I do feel a lot more pumped on finding that kid now. Thanks. Even though that back-story was horribly boring, it was still really mind-blowing thanks!
LORD VALDEEMORK
So get out there! Go see if you can find him…this time!
PROFESSOR GRAPE (CONFIDENT)
Yah!
PROFESSOR GRAPE turns around and runs into a wall. He gets up.
PROFESSOR GRAPE
Sorry.
PROFESSOR GRAPE runs out the door.
LORD VALDEEMORK (ANNOYED)
Aye, aye, aye.
FADE IN:
EXT. SPACE – THE EAGLE 5 FLIES BY
INT. THE EAGLE 5 – MESSY
LONG SHOT OF: A room that looks like the front room of an RV. On the floor there are numerous amounts of clothes, food, puddles, etc. At the front of the room, there is a control panel. On the right of the control panel is a steering wheel and a bunch of buttons above it. On the left there are a bunch of switches. At the top, in the middle of the control panel, is a small, flat screen TV that is switched off. In front of the steering wheel, is a chair, in the chair sits LONE STAR. In front of all the switches, is another chair, in the chair sits PRINCESS VESPA. PRINCESS VESPA resting her head on LONE STAR’s shoulder. The two of them look very happy and have wide smiles on their faces. LONE STAR
So, can you believe it that we finally managed to go on our honeymoon?
PRINCESS VESPA
No, I can’t actually. With all the stuff going on at the palace, I didn’t think this day would ever come.
LONE STAR
Yah, I know. I mean your dad just had a heart attack and is in the hospital.
PRINCESS VESPA
We’re still cleaning up all the dead bodies and the damages that were done when DARK HELMET drained all our air for one minute.
LONE STAR
Your sister’s pregnant.
PRINCESS VESPA
Our dog died.
LONE STAR
The priest of our church got shot by that monkey.
PRINCESS VESPA
That monkey got shot by that robot guy.
LONE STAR
That robot guy got shot by GEORGE LUCAS and the GEORGE LUCAS stole his catch phrase and his sunglasses.
PRINCESS VESPA looks at LONE STAR happily.
PRINCESS VESPA
I love you.
LONE STAR
I love you too.
PRINCESS VESPA and LONE STAR begin making out. After about ten seconds, they stop and return to their position before that.
LONE STAR
And theirs nothing at all that can ruin this honeymoon…nothing.
PRINCESS VESPA
Nothing.
In the background coming from the other room, BARF is heard yelling.
BARF (LOUD)
Oh shit!
LONE STAR and PRINCESS VESPA tense up.
LONE STAR (ANNOYED)
Except for that.